Make your own free website on Tripod.com
Nesh's Letters
12-15
Hey, that margarita chick sounds pretty messed up. Could you give me her
e-mail, or pass on some shit for me?

Firstly, sorry sweetie, but don't be so fucking selfish. Christmas? What
about your family? What about the people who have to clean up your bloated
corpse? Don't be so selfish. Overdose is NOT the way to go. If you are going
to plan something like that, then do it right. I don't really believe in
opting out of life, but I know how attractive it is. All your problems
....GONE. No more worries, no more pain. NO MORE PAIN.
But it's not really like that. Is it? Do you really think this will solve
your problems? It wont. Sure, they won't bother you, given, but it's just
running away.

This all sounds harsh, but hear me out, I've been there. I've been sitting
with the pills in my hand, and a bottle of water beside me. I know how it
feels. My girlfriend was in hospital with depression, she knows how it
feels. You CAN DO THIS. Sure, you may not want to now, it may seem like it's
not worth it, but there are so many things you haven't done. There is still
hope, even if you haven't got it, some people do, and if they are worth
anything, then they'll share it with you. This is what IM trying to do here,
share a little hope. I know it sounds pussy, and lame, but I care about you.
I've never met you, but I agree with what Marmay says about everyone being
beautiful. We are. Look at how complex you are. Move your hand. Could you
ever make something that amazing? Can you fathom how hard it would be to
make something even close to that good? Look at how the world works, isn't
it amazing? People are beautiful, thoughts, feelings. Even pain, in its
absolute worst, can be a beautiful thing.

Life is a path, where you don't know what comes next. Sure, it could be some
big guy, whose going to stab you, and rape you, But. The big but, it could be
the man of your dreams, sweeping you away. Away from the pain. To freedom.
Death by choice isn't nice. It doesn't only hurt you.

But there are SO MANY THINGS YOU HAVEN'T DONE.
OK, so I don't know you, but I know you've never talked to me. You've
probably never seen New Zealand. It's beautiful. Since I don't know you,
I'll just write stuff I've never done, I've never crashed a car, and came
out untouched. I've never tried mushrooms, never eaten spaghetti till I
threw up. Never got my license, never been pulled over by a cop. I've never
got to try tequila and lemon. I've never been so stoned I've fallen out of a
tree, (never been so stoned I've climbed a tree)

There are so many things we haven't done. When I get that down, I try to
think about waking up, next to my beautiful Hayley, ten years from now, in
my own home, with my three beautiful children jumping on my legs. There is
always something to look forward to. Don't spoil things now......

Look after yourself, please, e-mail me. I'd like to get to know you. Before
you, or I die.

Take care,


Luv 'n' Stuff

In the past not to long ago I don't have the date sorry!

I've been going since I was born, now about 16 years later, I still believe
I KNOW there is a god, but well, the life's a bit hard for me. I
know that sounds like a complete cop out, but it's not. I choose to do what
I think god wants, and that's my best to help people, help people help
themselves, and to be the best person I can be. Personally, that's what I
think god wants from all of us. Not to be a bunch of sheep, following his
little guide book, If he wanted that, wouldn't he have made a bunch of
robots? But to be individuals, and to share our own personal stuff with him,
and those we interact with.

But any ways, think what you will, religion is a DAMN tricky thing, and a
relationship with the big guy is a real important thing to have. He's
always there to hold your hand when you mess up beyond all belief (I know
this one well!!) and he'll bail you outta all sorts of stuff , you didn't even
know you were in.

MOO, e-mail me some of your poems, Preferably something dark, they seem to
have the most impact on me. But I guess lately, everything has had a pretty
big impact on me!, Oh well. MEH!!

But yeah, send me something, and when I get to my computer (IM on my
girlfriends) I'll send you some of my stuff that IM preticularlley proud of.

Laterz,



Luv 'n' Stuff

nn n eeeee sssss h h !
n n n e s h h !
n n n eee s h h !
n n n eee sssss hhhhhh !
n nn e s h h !
n n eeeee sssss h h >

(Nesh)